One Year

It has been a whole year since I started this blog. What a crazy, amazing, breathtaking year this has been. Where had God taken you in the last year? He has taken us:

into a deeper friendship
into closer relationship with Him
into forgiveness and healing from the past
into dreams for the future
into the pain of loss
into the ministry of relationship
into the ministry of marriage
into laughter
into many broken lives that need His healing
into a deeper love than I ever thought possible, and which is growing all the time
into fun, revealing, challenging, and encouraging friendships
into accomplished goals and dreams (Hello, motorcycle!)
into a clearer understanding of ourselves
into a more inspired walk with Him
into more adjusting and change than I thought you could have within a year!

I am so thankful for where we have been, where we are, and for where we have yet to be. Where You are taking us, Lord, I am so excited to follow. Happy birthday, little blog. The best is yet to be!

Anthropology

Ok, I know some of you made a face. Some of you rolled your eyes. Some of you may have leaned forward, a little more interested. Some of you probably think it's the study of bugs. Or feet. I've heard both.

No, anthropology is the study of human beings. This includes their behavior, their culture, their material culture, their surroundings, their laws, their morals, ect. I LOVE IT. I started studying it by accident. When I started college, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, so I just sort of read the class descriptions and took whatever sounded interesting to me. Which is why math class waited until I was a junior. Anyway, God was definitely guiding me at that time, because I enrolled in Intro to Cultural Anthropology at Aims Community College, under the teaching of a wonderful Christian man. He never shared his views in class, but as I am part of that "club", I could tell by the things he said. He was a wonderful teacher, including a wide variety of views, opinions, and standpoints, as well as a lot of history and interpretations. I enjoyed his class immensely, so when at the end of the semester he announced a trip to the Four Corners to study some of the archaeology and anthropology (the two go hand in hand), I signed up. Four VERY full days touring the southwest (Mesa Verde, Chaco Canyon, all places that are now in my backyard here in Durango), later, and I was hooked.

I love people. Love them. My resume reads: "coffee shop, hostess, Cold Stone, Starbucks, retail, retail..." I love working with people. You get to see the best and the worst of them working in the service industry. Anthropology, for me, has just been the means to an end: understanding and working with people better. I have learned so much from it, I am able to examine, observe, and interpret human behavior better, and then have the tools to express those things in a clearer and more accurate way. It didn't just happen overnight. Although my personality was already given to this tendency, my formal education has expanded and enriched this God-given ability.

Anthropology has been the means to an end. And school was the means to that end. Or as Mike likes to call it, "The most expensive hobby I have ever heard of." That's what school has been. I have never been career oriented. The thought of climbing the proverbial ladder makes me nauseous. I have a hard time seeing it as anything but temporary. This too shall fall away, disappear like blades of grass or the summer flowers. Two Christmases ago, my mom asked what I was going to do after graduation. I told her I would probably move to Denver and go get my masters. She turned around and stared at me, open mouthed, in shock. She very gently reminded me that I had never wanted that, that I wanted- had always, ALWAYS wanted, was to be a wife and mother. I replied, "Hey, when Mr. Right shows up, I am dropping all this like there is no tomorrow!" And when he did, I was true to my word. :)

Last fall was wonderful. Full of walks downtown at night, curling up to watch a movie, nights out having dinner, nights in having dinner. We spent every spare moment together, getting to know each other better. Our friendship grew deeper, our conversations sweeter, our embraces longer (Oh come on, you dated once!). I would not trade last fall for anything.

However, what I did not know was that by creating those wonderful times INSTEAD of keeping myself above the six credit passing line, I became a financial aid probationary status holder. Yay. So now, with nine credits, THREE CLASSES to finish, the school won't give me a loan. Which, I don't get, because 1) It isn't THEIR money. 2) Fort Leisure has a 33% graduation rate. You think they'd want to keep whoever they could to raise that statistic! Anyway, luckily for me (sort of), I had mono last fall. It directly coincided with the end of classes. When my mom saw me for Thanksgiving, she knew something was wrong. I was so tired, simply exhausted. I just thought I was overwhelmed with life. And I was, but my body was working against me at the time too.

So last week I appealed for a change in status. I have a very high GPA, even with last fall's little, um, fluke. I just finished a summer class with a very good grade, and so I'm hoping that the school will allow me to finish. If not, we are going to be unable to move on until I do. I hate that.

So, dear friends, if you could pray for me this week, that I would have favor and not kill anyone, that would be great. I really want to finish, 1) Because my grandfather has fully heaped on the guilt. 2) Because I do want to walk across that stage and say I did it. 3) I want to prove to Mike that paying off my "hobby" won't be in vain. 4) I know I would regret it, I'm so close. 5) I want to be able to move on. It's time for us to start in a new direction, I can feel it. I want to be able to run head on into what God has for us next, with no ties binding us here. That means more to me right now than anything else.

Forest for the trees.

I am a big picture person. In a major way. I love talking to someone about something, and then getting to point out to them what they may have been missing from focusing in too closely on a subject. We are all products of our environment. And that goes for situations too. I recently was speaking to a dear friend who is caught in a awkward and very painful divorce. She is really not sure how she should relate to her former in-laws, or even if she should. After describing a specific event to me, I pointed out to her some aspects of the bigger picture. That's what drew me to anthropology; there is no ONE answer, it's a little bit of everything. (Are we a product of nurture or nature? Yes. Was the color of your eyes part of your self esteem as an adolescent? Yes and no. Does socioeconomic background enable you or imprison you? Sort of. I love anthropology. :) Anyway, I actually really like that about me. It enables me to search for answers that wouldn't be readily apparent, or think of things from a different angle. It also helps me appreciate things that I don't appreciate.

Which brings me to why I'm writing this. Mike is a single tree kinda guy. That's it, one tree, one. No, there is no forest, there is just single tree after single tree. I love being the forest girl, but I do tend to miss out on the trees. Details are important. They are usually what give a tree its uniqueness, as well as its beauty. I miss out on that sometimes. I appreciate this viewpoint because it is the perfect compliment to mine. We balance each other out. Mike is able to focus in, really look at an issue. He is able to analyze it, evaluate it, study it, and then pronounce a judgment. He is wise that way, because it is a more informed way to make decisions, and a clearer vision of the situation. Mike has the patience, dilegence, thoughtfulness, thoroughness, and clarity that I sadly lack. He is able to guide our family in a more informed way. Which I abundantly and vocally am thankful for. I am not afraid to ever be adrift in uncertainty. Not with the focus God has given him, or the vision He has given me.

Then again. Maybe the tree is just a tree. :)

Nicole and Trent's Wedding- 2

This is Dustin and Lacey. Dustin is Marty and Val's son, and Lacey is his lovely wife of five years. Dustin was always the super intelligent one, talented in drawing and architecture. He is in accounting, which seems so unlikely when you meet him. A great boyish smile, Dustin always wants to know everything that is going on with you. He asks tons of questions, and talks to you like you are the only one in the room. Lacey is a sweetheart, and very beautiful. We are still getting to know her, being eight hours away, but her sweet personality and warm smile are intensely welcoming when you speak to her.

And this is Livia, their sweet little girl, born just before our wedding. The first great-grandchild, and first grandchild in their family on both sides, this little princess is a doll. I hope we get to go out and see them more often, and see her personality develop.

They got to meet Mike for the first time on the trip, and seemed to really like him. I am so glad; he just seems to fit this family like a glove.

One more! Well, maybe two... ;)

My hubby- the...

Well... would you call it a people person? I don't think that's the right term.

Since being married, I am discovering something very wonderful about Mike. He really loves people. I knew that he kinda sorta put up with them, and occasionally really got along with someone, and on the rarest of days would have a deep conversation with someone.

I had missed it.

Mike LOVES people. He knows almost everyone in the three buildings around us. Part of that I think is the protectiveness, knowing and understanding one's surroundings. But it's more than that. He small talks with them. He's friendly, and introduces himself to everyone. I love this, because although I love people and am friendly in my job, I tend to not be when it comes to my life. Which is silly, I have created isolation for myself with relatively little effort in my life, yet my customers would call me a good friend! I have a feeling that won't be happening again for- well, the rest of our lives. Yay!

Not only that, but- and again, I knew that he was a good friend, heck, he's my best friend, which means I see that he has very good friend qualities- but I didn't realize what a wonderful friend he is. First, to his friends: I got to witness this friendship summer when one of his friends came to visit us. I have seen it over the past year, again and again with another. A calm, gentle, firm, honest, very open discussion, followed by wise, but undemanding council. The conversation could be on marriage, honesty, forgiveness, betrayal, dating and relationships, it doesn't really matter. If it's about the heart, Mike wants to talk about it. He is deeply interested and invested in his friends, and wants to see God work in their lives, even if they aren't Christians. I love that.
And secondly, with my friends: Mike has impacted, uplifted, encouraged, consoled and counseled several of my friends in the past year. It is humbling and amazing to watch. A man of deep convictions, who cares for these hurting women, and upholds truth in love as he speaks to them. I am so lucky. God has blessed me so much with Mike.

So there you go, I'm still learning about him. I can't wait to see this wonderful ability put to work in our life. What a wonderful joy to behold!

Sometimes I wonder...

"Imagination... is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." -Albert Einstein

So there! :)

Why on earth do they make the words in the little boxes that you have to type as a safety guarantee- not real words? "Nibit" "smaliline" "guaraw" "Havive" What? And what do those boxes really protect against?

How do they get fireworks to make shapes? Like hearts, stars, planets, things like that? Why did they not offer that internship at job fair?

What is the psychology behind Facebook games- and why can I not stop playing them?!

Why did that stupid novel I picked up from the library this week on Alexander the Great ONLY want to talk about homosexuality? Ok, I get it, it was a part of the culture. MOVE ON! The guy conquered all of the known world, and into the unknown- larger than the Romans ever did, and there was NOTHING else you could talk about for a book?! Really?

Why are colleges so bureaucratic- and for that matter, how did I not know what that word meant before Mike, and why can I not stop saying it now?

How is my sink filled to overflowing with dirty dishes- AGAIN?!

How do dreams really work? I had a dream last night that it was our wedding, but the only thing that was the same was the clothes we were wearing. It was in the old church building we were in when I was a child. Tiff was there, and Shannon's daughter Emmy, and my family and Mike's family. Last week, I had a dream that it was my birthday and everyone was singing to me. I was naked. My naked dreams never freak me out, more like, "Um, I should probably take care of this."

Why do none of the people in my naked dreams realize I'm naked? That's almost worse!

How am I going to get through this EGC class? Social Change in Action, what do you think that is? Wrong. It is the study of oppressed cultures and we have to ACT OUT ON STAGE how to solve those social problems. Yeah.

What do you wonder?

You know what I love?

Mike. I know, your shocked. :)

But what about him am I specifically referring to today? His crazy brain. Mike is definitely a single tree kind of guy, whereas I am the whole forest picture person. He crunches numbers, expertly finagling our finances repeatedly in order to benefit us better. Math makes me throw up. He can take apart and put back together (almost) any gun on earth, and does so frequently in the middle of my living room. The thought of all those intricate parts gives me a headache. And he can remember all the rules and strategies he's read about and figured out for a number of video and computer games (Lucky me). If it's more complicated than Candy Land, I want no part of it.

But that's what is so great about it. Even though the application of those neurotic behaviors drives me to drinking, the ability and mastery of them amazes me. He reads up on his interests constantly, giving him a lot of wisdom and knowledge on them, both general and specific. He is able to converse with a wide range of people, and impart his knowledge of a subject on to them. I love his diligence and one track mindedness, because he actually gets things done! Whereas I flit from job to job, getting them all done, just in a very haphazard way.

He's crazy. And I love him. I wouldn't trade the partner God gave me for anything in the world. I'd be pretty lost without him. :)

Sometimes I wonder...

Let your mind wander, and your imagination roam free!

Why are things never made the way they were used to? If that is true, are we creating reverse evolution?

How are the wonderful mystery of marriage and the adventure of our relationship with God are completely lost on us? How do we miss the point so much?

When do we let go of people and leave them to their own consequences? When do we draw the line between loving them enough to hit them over the head, and letting go, even if we see the destructive path their on more clearly than they do?

Why do watermelon products taste nothing like watermelon?

Why doesn't my husband look at me like I'm insane more often?

WHY, OH WHY doesn't everyone drive a motorcycle!?!?

Was life this adventure before I met Mike, and I just didn't realize it? Or did my life truly begin the adventure after I met him? The dance, without question, has been in progress my whole life, but it became breathtaking and mesmerizing since him!

I. Am. Motorcycle Mamma. (Ok, without being a mother)

I was so engrossed in all of my dear friend's blogs that I almost forgot why I got on-

We went riding!

We've had the bike for about two months now, but Mike has been getting used to riding it. We agreed that I wouldn't ride until he was comfortable enough to have me on it. Then last week he started sounding like I wouldn't get to ride for a whole year because of not having everything 'right'. Um, yeah, the impatient one who doesn't really care if the decal on the front is the one you want, WANTS TO RIDE. NOW. But I do need gear. Well today, following an incredible day (sleeping in, lazy shower, nice big breakfast, walk downtown, sipping Starbucks and people watching, stop at Goods For the Woods, and almost and HOUR at the HD store), Mike got a wild hair, I threw on his leather jacket, borrowed a helmet, and we went.

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

The country is beautiful here, and we've had some nice rain, so everything is green and lush (or as lush as it gets in a deserty place). Cool evening, curvy mountain roads, everyone staring at us on Main. It was wonderful. I couldn't help releasing a sigh of pure satisfaction and a prayer:

Lord Jesus, thank you so much for enabling us to get the bike. Time together is so wonderful. I don't know where you're taking us, but it is alright with me! Thank you for this wonderful man who invites me on adventures. I LOVE HIM. He is the greatest gift and treasure.

So yeah, we will never be driving the jeep again. :)

See you on the road!

Nicole and Trent's Wedding- 1

Poor Mike. A seven and a half hour road trip with not one- but two Stugart bladders. We only stopped twice. Proud?
Although, he did endure over three hours of the game 20 questions. Our version doesn't hold fast to the 20 question limit. It's more like the Ask-as-many-questions-as-it-takes game. But when your answers to yes or no questions are; "Well, kinda." "Sometimes..." "Yes... I mean no. Let me think about it." You're bound to have problems. I still say the color blue is just fine to be thinking of.

Never the less, he made it, and we made it. Checked in (thank you Mom for working at a job that racks you up serious free night points, we LOVE that), picked Rachel up from the airport-yay!- and then made our way to my aunt's house for rehearsal dinner.

Now, this is my dad's side of the family. Still crazy, mind you, but in a totally different way than my mom's side. We love visiting my dad's sisters and their families. I should introduce you.

This is my dad's younger sister, Valerie, and her hubby Marty, and their daughter, Jenna. We were so happy they made it to the wedding, they hadn't met Mike before that, but the little they do know about him, they love him! I share the scrapbooking bug with this side of the family- they have a whole room devoted to it. I'm super jealous.

My Aunt Val is a wonderful lady. She has a huge passion for kids and literacy, and works in an elementary school. She has an infectious laugh and my favorite babying voice. "AW! Peanut!" She'd say to Danielle. She loves sweets and has one of those homes where you just come in and make yourself at home. Uncle Marty is a super-hard working, super fun loving, super funny guy. He loves to joke and kid around, and has a great smile. He is in real estate, and works very, very hard to support the family he loves. Jenna is my awesome cousin, just a year older than I am. Isn't she beautiful? I always felt inadequate following in her shadow. She's had some pretty serious health issues in the past, but we think the worst is past her. She is going to college, and hopes to be a wife and mother. She has a sunshiny personality, and is so much fun to be around.

I promise there's more!

Catching up

Ok, I have a lot to say about last week, this weekend, and this week, but I need to get back to it! So, suffice it to say- these next few posts are going to be good! Hope everything is well with you, and I am praying an unleashing of God's Spirit on each and every one of you. You are more than special to Him!

Sarah

Sometimes I wonder...

These aren't those pointless, "If a tree falls in a forest" kind of museings. This is some deep and meaningful stuff!

If the universe is still expanding, is God still creating?

How do octopuses' tentacles not get stuck to themselves?

Why would any one eat durian? Have you smelled that stuff? Smells like raw onions and garlic, only worse. It's outlawed in hotels and apartments because it stinks so bad! What guy was first like, "Ooo! That'd be good to eat!"

Or ants? Why (and how) would you choose to eat ants?

Why did God create mosquitoes? Can you think of a less helpful or more harmful insect?

What did "leviathans" actually look like?

What did the giants of the old testiment look like? Were they like seven, or 30 feet tall?

If you were in Back to the Future, would you do the right thing and try to get the book back? Would you teach your dad to punch somebody's lights out?

If Madona is right, and "we only got 4 minutes to save the world", why is the song over 4 minutes long?

Are archeologists full of crap, or was everything in the ancient world really "ceremonial"? How did they have time for anything else?

If we can put a man on the moon, why haven't we discovered a better way to test for breast cancer than mamograms? Surely we have the technology!

If we have "best" friends, shouldn't we have "worst" friends? Why don't they make matching necklaces for that?

Does God ever laugh at us? If I were Him, I'd do a lot of laughing!

Why is an apostrophe this big: ' , and yet the word is huge?

Hey, I was just wondering! What have you been wondering?

Letters of Intent

Dear Cup of Coffee,

Wow, you're good. Not only did your aroma awaken my senses to the delightful bounty of South American grown beans, testify to your expertly roasted processes, and make me so thankful for good friends who give gifts such as you (Thanks Tiff and Jerome!); but you woke me up. And I don't just mean like, ok, I can pull it together kind of woke up. This was like, "GOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING! GOOD MORNING! Sunbeams will still smile through, Good morning, good morning to you!", full throttle, full tank, get the house cleaned, six meals made, big smile on my face, annoying my husband, goofy, silly, took the extra time to put on makeup kind of woke up!

And I appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Checked FB eight times, running a marathon, bouncing off the walls, leaping over tall buildings in a single bound... girl.

Danielle's in Town!

We were so excited to have Danielle here with us this week. She got in Monday morning, and we immediately celebrated her visit with a trip to Serious Texas (of course). Mike spent the afternoon out on the motorcycle- he's getting pretty good- so we had some sister time to ourselves. We went to the gym and worked out- which is only partially true, since she kept making me laugh. So we didn't get a whole lot done, but had a good time. Then Mike and I took her shooting. She was great. That's not the ONLY thing we do with people, but we do do that a lot. Danielle had never been before, and she learned quickly. Again, I love watching Mike in action; he is just so wonderful with people. Tuesday, Mike was back at work, so we spent the day together. Cinnamon rolls, grocery shopping, trip to the mall, lunch to Mike, and playing Skip-Bo took up most of the day. Mike had a bored- I mean board meeting, so we watched Hercules and just enjoyed each other's company. I worked on Wednesday, so she slept in and watched movies. Thursday we went on a little excursion down the river trail. We walked a few miles, and waded into the river at different spots. It was a BUSY day on the water, tons of people in tubes and rafts. One rafting guide near the shore we were on spotted us: "Here's some people looking to get wet!" We heard him, but didn't move. It was incredibly hot, and getting wet was what we were there for! They got closer, and he tells us, "Um, I wasn't joking." We looked at each other: "We didn't think you were!" He laughed, and the whole raft attempted to splash us with their paddles. I mentioned last week that Danielle is a sweet heart and her spirit in our house was wonderful. We enjoy her so much, are so very, very proud of her, and can't wait for her to visit again. We ended the week by road tripping it up to Salt Lake City for our cousin's wedding. Stay tuned!

My sister Danielle

Let's meet the rest of the family, shall we?

Oh yeah, that's Danielle. The three of us joke that I was practice, Rachel was perfection, and Danielle was just for laughs. My parents maintain that they already had one for dishes and one for laundry, so Danielle was for the rest of the housework. Danielle definitely brings laughter to the house. She is one of the most fun people you will ever meet. Witty, goofy, and too smart for her own good, she is a fireball. Danielle, like most youngests, was the: "I do what I want" child. While Rachel and I played house, Danielle read. While Rachel and I played Barbies, Danielle was pushing trucks around. We have this great picture of the three of us on Christmas morning in front of the tree when Danielle was about two. Rachel and I are happy and excited. Danielle is bawling because I'm holding her still for the picture.

Danielle was usually the quiet one, which was the natural place for her to fall after having ME AND RACHEL. We- especially me- were the talkers. Even today, I won't hesitate to tell you how I feel, Rachel, you can eventually drag it out of, but Danielle plays her cards pretty close to her chest. Aren't those usually the ones really worth getting to know?

The most athletic of the three of us, Danielle has played tee-ball, soccer, and tried dance (and had an embarrassing experience) before finding her niche: KA-RA-TE! I thought us dancers went through some grueling training! The fact that she hasn't actually broken something or had a knee replacement yet is astounding. Her body definitely doesn't appreciate some of the work they go through, but she loves it. She is, without question, the toughest of the three of us. Guys Rachel's age used to say I was scary, but they knew Danielle had the muscle to back up a threat. She gets her black belt this August, and we are so proud of her!

Danielle was infinitely blessed with a wonderful group of friends through high school, and as she transitions into college this fall, I pray God blesses her again. Slower to make friends, because she's cautious about who she surrounds herself with (thank God), Danielle LOVES people. (Noticing a family pattern?) She will be the first to high five you on a job well done, and the first to hug you if you're having a bad day. She is super sarcastic, and loves to tease, but doesn't mean anything by it. And beware egging her on or starting something- she is smart as a whip, and isn't afraid to put you in your place!

This smarter-than-the-average-bear girl is headed to college in the fall, and at the moment has her heart set on something history related. I told her that she doesn't need to know exactly what she wants to do yet, but that she should try a little bit of everything. There is no sense in declaring an astronaut major and paying for three years of classes, to change to underwater basket weaving because you realized you don't like space. Better to take things slow, and just experience. No matter what she does, she will excel and succeed. She can't help but do so!

Danielle is in the process of discovering who she is. God has had her go through a few heart breaking things in her life, and she is learning the meaning of Jesus as her Savior AND her friend. She is discovering her feminine heart, which is deep and beautiful to the core. Not exactly the girliest, girly girl, Danielle is finding her place among the other members of "THE CLUB" (and by that I mean grown women). She is caring and merciful, devoted and fiercely protective, a hard worker and loving. She will make some guy very, very happy (and busy) one day.

My favorite thing about Danielle is that she is sentimental. Her room is full of mementos, and she loves pictures. Crossing the line into pack rats is also a family trait. Mike tells me often that she could do anything, and he is quickly becoming her biggest fan. She's rather fond of him too. I am so blessed to have her as a sister, and I am looking forward to her coming to visit us in just a few days!

Forgiveness

"A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." -Robert Quillen

"In humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

This has been a hard week. After two+ months of going, going, going, we are TIRED. Mike is on his last week of class, finally got his certificate from the NRA so he can begin training classes, work has been CRAZY, life has been CRAZY. We haven't even gotten to go camping yet this year, something Mike fervently enjoys and something that rejuvenates him. Physically, mental, emotionally EXHAUSTED. And then we had Wednesday. We had an hour carved out of our week to learn something new, together. Something that was enjoyable, fun, and just the two of us. And it didn't work out that way. Instead of being relaxing and fun, it was aggravating, frustrating, and definitely NOT fun. NOT what I wanted. NOT what Mike wanted.

We're still learning how to handle the bad stuff together. Mike likes to withdraw, mull over, think about things, and then talk. I want to process. Now. I don't let 18 minutes go by, let alone 18 years before I say something. That's why I don't understand these long time marriages that go down the tubes- how can you just not talk about something that bothers you? But that's beside the point. I wanted to talk, and Mike didn't.

I appreciate that he doesn't want to have an emotional outburst. I appreciate that he doesn't want to direct an outburst at me. I appreciate that he wants to get things straight in his head before saying anything. I appreciate that he WILL NOT yell. I do not appreciate being left out of the loop.

"A good marriage is not one in which perfection reigns; it is a relationship in which a healthy perspective overlooks a multitude of unresolvables." -Dr. James Dobson

And so, we press on, dear friends. We talk, discuss, resolve, relate, laugh, cry, explain, understand, clarify- and then press on. I love this man, my partner, my friend, more with each passing day. I am so glad I didn't marry myself- I would drive me crazy. And so I thank God for bringing me someone who is patient and kind, and listens to MY emotional outbursts. I thank God for a man who values what I have to say, even if he doesn't agree. I thank God that this same man wants to work things out, wants to talk, wants to understand, and wants to do better. I want those things too. More than anything else, I want to honor, respect, and love my husband in a way that is clear and apparent to him. And that's what he wants as well. We're still learning, my friends, and will continue to. But I can't think of anyone I would rather be learning with.

In Him,

Sarah

Sometimes I wonder...

Really, when the thought strikes you, sometimes you just have to let your mind wander...


What will our kids be like?

Did Daisy Duke LIKE Daisy Dukes?

And why couldn't any of the Dukes clap on beat? Have you noticed that?

How did God come up with so many cool colors for birds and fish?

Am I bleeding out all of the cute babies every month, and when it's time to have kids, I'll only have ugly ones left?

Who thought of the name "hippopotomus"? Were they like, "Let's name this something that won't make any sense at all!"? Was it really a practical joke gone awry?

How do you get the job of naming towns? I think they should rotate that job more often. I've seen the town "No Name, Colorado". Did that guy get fired?

What if, when you crop a picture, and you cut someone's arm or leg, voodoo were to happen? You'd hear three days later that your friend from your birthday party randomly was admitted to the hospital for an unexplainable massive loss of blood! Would that be a sin? Would God punish you for that?

Will we recongnize ourselves in a mirror in heaven?

If God is infinitely creative, does that mean it is practically impossible for life not to exist on other planets?

Will we recognize THEM in heaven?

How does my husband put up with me?

What if we all really lived in a yellow submarine? I haven't seen any portholes...


What do you wonder?

A Good Marriage

"There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage." -Martin Luther

How hard it is, isn't it, to truly trust another human being? Even if you are totally convinced that this person would never intentionally hurt you, there's still those times when you feel like running and hiding, don't you? It's funny, I think I was perceptive beforehand, but after my training as an anthropologist, I analyze and look deeper into everything. Not only to I behave, act, react, speak, and reason out of instinct, I then look back and ask why I did any or all of those things! I bought a bag of Cheetos this month while Mike was gone. It was a frivolous purchase, and I knew it, so I was determined to have the evidence gone by the time he got back. Why? He already knows I'm frivolous and act on whims- what would this bag of junk food say to him that he didn't already know? We're funny like that, aren't we? We can rationalize away just about anything, excuse our bad, rebelious or impetuous behavior, a just generally float through life not taking responsibility for our actions. Owning up to my own selfishness and bad attitudes- that I wasn't even aware of- has become a challenge in our early married life. If I don't recognize them, how will I repent, and if I don't repent of them, how will I change, and if I don't change, how will I become the woman of God I so desperately want to be? Are you trucking with me on this, or am I out in left field?

I want a good marriage. Desperately. And I want to be a good wife. Wholeheartedly. Lord, give me the strength to look my sin and flesh in the face, recognize it for what it is, and crucify it daily. Lord, I give you all of the strength and ability that is within me, every cell, sinew, molecule; I am Yours. Use me in my marriage as a partner, a helper, a companion, a trusted ally and friend. You have created me for this man, and for this marriage. Help me to live up to that. Help me to excell in that. Help me to be an example to others.

Just don't let me screw it up.

Amen.

My husband- the teacher

What a great day it has been. Mike's parents are putting in wood flooring in their house this weekend. Mike's Uncle John from Phoenix does flooring for a living, so he and his wife Jennifer and their three boys came up to help out and visit. We've had the boys for a few hours, and have had a blast. Mike wanted to take them shooting, and I thought what a better time to practice his skills as a teacher, and as a family member. We took them to the gun shop to buy ear plugs, and then out to the outdoor range. Mike was wonderful. He is so patient, and goes over the safety of handling firearms so well. He had the boys repeat after him the safety rules; and the oldest being 13, the more repetition the better. He had them shoot their grandfather's .38 special. Grandpa Richard died in February, and the family is still intensely feeling the loss. Shooting his pistol was an honor I think each of them felt. They did him proud, and each shot exceptionally. They listened, followed instructions, and asked questions. Mike paid them each special attention, praised highly, explained things fully, and genuinely was proud of them. I did my womanly duty and cleaned up shells after them. ;) I made sure each one felt that they had done very well, because they had. We had a quick lunch at Ta*o B*ll, and then went to the indoor range to shoot the .22 Long Rifle. Again, they each did well. They are currently glowing. The conversation from the other room is still revolving around, well, revolvers.

Can I just say, I cannot wait until we have kids? I mean, I don't think we'll be intentionally trying anytime soon, but it is going to be fun. Mike is going to make a great dad. He keeps teasing me about us having all boys. Oh Lord, please don't be that cruel to me! :) I would really like to have boys, but I want a few girls too. Girls are just way too fun. But the patience and teaching that Mike displays is so wonderful. I pray for a brood with different likes and interests, giftings and abilities. Concert pianist, ballerinas, football players, black belts, soccer players, artists, singers, potters, motorcyclists, teachers- it doesn't matter to us. We will encourage each one of them separately, equally, and individually. But Lord, please give us boys who will share their dad's enjoyment of the outdoors and things that go boom. That's all I'm asking. And for girls. PLEASE.

Talk to you soon!

Adventures in Harleyland!

Thought you might want to see the maiden voyage of the S.S. ScaringOurParentsToDeath! (Or SOPTD for short!) Yes, Mike is back, has his licence and his insurance, and is off onto the open road!

More to come! Love ya!

It's Father's Day!

Want to meet my biggest fan? (Other than Mike?)

Yep, that's my dad! My dad is AWESOME. He adopts any kid that may come into his house- they are all his girls! I'm daughter #1, Rachel is #2, Danielle is #3, and after that, he assigns numbers as they come. We're probably up to about 63. Anyone and everyone are welcome in our house, and every one is loved the same. He never complained about the enormous grocery bill that accompanied feeding this mass horde of teenagers, and merely tiptoed around the thirty sleeping bags that occasionally populated our family or living room- or both.

There are many great fathers in the world, but it takes a special man to have all daughters. He was preconditioned for it, though, with two sisters growing up. I don't know many understanding men who would allow twenty years of dinner table discussions revolving around Barbies, ponies, purses, shoes, bras, and periods. Not occasionally. Litterally twenty years of it. He takes it all in stride; just finishes his dinner, pushes back from the table, and vacates the room. He is a master of listening, having a wife and three VERY feeling daughters (especially this one!). His patience is legendary. By myself, I could have given him grey hair. And he had two more!

Not that we were very trying children. I've told them how lucky they were. They laughed outright at me, but really, we could have given them a lot harder time than we did. No sneaking out, drinking, partying, or trying drugs. We had no reason to go do that stuff- all our friends wanted to hang out at OUR house!

Among his other winning characteristics as a dad, he was Mr. Fix-it. And I mean everything. The sink, the car, the Barbie's head, a tea set, jewlery, the fence, the window, and various broken hearts. He could fix it all. That was one of my favorite things about him. He has these two great big tool cabinets, and as a child, it seemed that the supply of magical fix-it (duct tape and super glue) was unending.

He poured into us in other ways as well. Some of our favorite times were our yearly science projects. Countless (last minute) hours were spent in the garage, side by side, using up all of his stock of supplies, creating an A+ project. Levers, pullies, race tracks- nothing was too complex, and he really seemed to own everything and anything that could be used for such projects. He would help with homework, Scripture memory verses, and was always, always encouraging.

Our personalities are similar, as I have hinted to before. Mike reads the manual, and my dad and I just want to do it. Damn the consequences! :) We lean towards being people pleasers, and can get along with just about any one. We are hard workers, and love music and worship. Both of my parents encouraged me to dance, but my dad really understood the application of it within worship. I love hearing his opinion on the latest worship song craze- whether it is good or bad, it is always entertaining. He's goofy and funny, and loves to laugh. He describes himself as "Tigger", just bouncing along, not a care in the world. He's quick and witty, and it's been fun growing up and being able to leave this rapier wit speachless. :)

My dad was also not afraid to be the discaplinarian. I love him even more for that now. Had he been bent on being my "buddy", I would not have an example to judge Godly men by. I'm so glad he didn't shirk that responsiblity.

When it became apparent to me that Mike and I were on the road to marriage, I began to appreciate my dad more, as I watched the natural progression of him relinqueshing the role of the man in my life. He did it with grace and ease- or at least it seemed that way to me. He loves Mike, and Mike loves him. They are becoming better friends all the time, and I am so glad. He was more than generous with our wedding, and lavished his love on us. What was even more amazing than that, and I mentioned this before, was his blessing over us during the ceremony. I need to get a copy of that. It was AMAZING. Heartfelt, passionate, loving, encouraging, and accepting, he welcomed Mike into our family with flourish. Nothing could have been more wonderful.

Anyway, that's my dad. We love him so much, and just wanted to let you know why! Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Elizabethtown

Ok, yes, I did go through my Hollywood crush phase a little later than most girls, and yes, Orlando Bloom was my main heartthrob. Those days are behind now. (He hasn't done anything in a while.:)

The movie Elizabethtown is one of my favorites. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it, although, I highly recommend it only if you see it with me. Karin hated it the first time, but then she watched it with me and liked it. The movie just speaks to me about how life can get away from you if you let it, and how we shouldn't let what is really important get lost in the midst of life. I love Kirstin Dundst in the film. She is quirky, bubbly, funny, fun, sweet, honest, and giving. The things she says and thinks reminds me of me. "I'm a student of names." she tells Drew Baylor (Orlando Bloom). She seems obnoxious at first, but she grows on him. (As I hope some of you are able to say of me!)

One of my favorite movies scenes of all time is at the very beginning of their relationship. She is a stewardess on his flight to pick up his dad's body for burial. He carries with him the "lucky blue suit" that was his father's favorite. She has just talked his ear off for quite a while in the middle of the night, and stands up to leave. "I'll take this." She says, picking up the blue suit. He lunges forward to take it back from her. She doesn't relinquish it, however, and tells him: "I can handle this." He hesitates. "Let GO." He does so, and leans back in his chair, exhausted.

Orlando spends the rest of the movie experiencing the life he has missed out on for the last eight years of his father's life, because he was too busy. He let life control him, and he had lost himself in it. It is a wonderful road back to where he needs to be, and wonderful to see him get there.

The journey, however, would not have begun without that first scene. When faced with separation from what we cling to, don't we hold on for dear life? Aren't we so afraid to relinquish that which holds us back? Why? What is it really we are giving up? Control. I love her line, and I hear that one echo in my head on more than one occasion. "I'll take this. I can handle it. Let GO." How many times does our Heavenly Father say those exact words to us?

When faced with that choice, our humanity scrambles to hold onto all that we hold dear, even when it really means nothing. Without that transfer of control, our Father is not able to begin his work within us. And we may not even see the work going on! Her presence is healing to him, but he misses it completely. Half way through the movie, he confesses to her that he is a big fat failure (the opening scene is him being fired for loosing a major company close to one billion dollars). There have been all of these things going on, but he doesn't even see them. Claire (Dundst) replies: "So, you failed." He makes it clear that she doesn't get it. "Ok, you REALLY failed. You failed, you failed, you failed. You failed. You failed, you failed, you failed, you failed. You FAILED, you failed-". He cuts her off with a look. "You think I care about that?" Isn't that what Jesus tells us when we are broken? He looks at us, at the mess we've made, at the destruction we have caused in our own lives, and all of the shattered pieces of our broken hearts. And asks us one question: "You think I care about that?"

What freedom and redemption there is in that one sentence! Thank you so much, dear Lord, that when we are at our worst, your work has already begun. You never leave us, nor forsake us in the mess we make of things. You pick us up, clean us off, wipe away our tears, and begin HEALING and RESTORING us. Your mercy and grace are too wonderful for words, and I praise Your Holy and Awesome Name.

The next time you find yourself in the belly of a whale, in captivity in Egypt, in hiding on Mount Carmel, or in Elizabethtown, listen intently. I promise you will hear these words. "I'll take this. I can handle it. Let GO." And when you try to tell God He can't make use of any of your life because you have screwed it up so badly, I guarantee His words will be, "You think I care about that?"

If you needed to hear that today, I'm glad I was here to say it. As Claire would say, "We may never see each other again, but I just want to say: We are intrepid. We carry on." Love you!

Letters of Intent

Dear Attitude,

Can I just say that you are my worst quality? I mean, in pictures, you're great. Don't get me wrong, the "kissy face", the "hip pop", and the "eyebrow", are greatly appreciated. By the way, I'm running low on scrapbooking supplies; chip in, or ship out.
So it's not that you don't have your uses. Like when mom used to ask us to do something. Or when we are on stage. There, on stage, you may let yourself run wild and free. It's the stage! You can be, do, say, think, and feel anything you want, Attitude. But not here.
You see, you tend to rear your ugly head at just the most inappropriate times. That person did not wake up with the intention of cutting you off in traffic. That person didn't mean to say that the way it came out. Or maybe they did, but that's on them, not you. The mosquitoes have a job to do. A nasty, annoying, aggrivating job, but their just doing their job to the fullest extent of their ability. And the sun did not unleash a personal vendeta on us today... we just apparently don't know when to apply sunscreen. And Mike certianly wasn't prepared for the appearance you made this evening. It was undeserved, and we had to appologize for it.
So, to be clear: In the future, we need to stop, take a deep breath, bury the diva, and use our nice voice. And if you could let your good friend, Emotions, know that we're also running low on mascara, and would appreciate cooperation in that area, that'd be great.

Sincerly,

Woman in need of sleep, aloe, Benadryl, a good friend, and her husband.

Two Months Today...

Can you tell I'm lonely- and bored? I've posted every day this week. Eh, it's good for me. Mike is in Texas this week at a conference, and I am MISSING him. I made up an excuse to go into his favorite gun shop yesterday, just to have some normality, and a little peice of him. It has been two months today since we got married. Wow. When I pointed this out to him tonight, he replied, "Yep, and before you know it, it will have been twenty years." I love my Mr. Realist.

These two months have been JAM PACKED. I feel like God is speaking constantly right now, showing us things about ourselves that need to change, pointing us in new directions, bringing up new things to think about. My mom laughed when I told her it's been nuts. "Didn't you tell me you felt like God said you were going to hit the ground running after the wedding?" Yes, yes I did. So this is what He meant.

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking in the same direction." -Antoine-deSaint-Exupery

We are definately taking turns right now in gazing at each other, and then looking together into the future. But we're newlyweds, so that's expected. :) We are so excited about what God has in store for us. Mike is in the throes of online classes, persuing security management. I can't wait to see what our Father does with that. Mike is an excellent teacher, very paitent and methodical. He also loves protecting people, so going into teaching safety and security tactics would be an ideal spot for him. You'll see us on the news one day, protecting some higher up official. Beyond that, he took his copy of John Elderidge's Fathered By God with him on this trip. I am hoping that his love for God, love for the outdoors, and love for teenagers will combine someday. We are hoping to start an outreach and discipleship program where Godly men take young men into the wilderness- where their hearts truly come alive- and teach them about God, and what it means to be a man. There is no better manly man to learn from than my hubby! What two halves of a whole we are!

God has brought me into some very interesting positions this year, relationally. One after another, after another, women from broken relationships have shown up on my doorstep. A very good friend, a relative, a friend through a friend, a long time friend, and now a coworker- all women who are going through the sheer destruction of a relationship. God is teaching me and training me how to speak to these women; how to shed tears with them, but not become engulfed in their sorrow. Every time, it gets a little bit easier, and I am finding that I am helping each one a little bit more. It has been amazing, though, the rapidity of these occurences, and the similarities between them. And what's more is that the best thing I can offer them- is Mike. His experience and past with his failed (let's face it, hellish) marriage speaks more to them than anything I have to say. His mistakes, his faults, his concerns, his triumphs, his woes, his regrets, and now his joy is theirs if they want it. He is so open and honest and transparent with each one of them, it's increadable. He has been wonderful, and an unmistakable testimony to what life can look like if, when you are at rock bottom, you allow the True Healer to do His work. The best way I can describe Mike's relationship with God then, and continuing until now, is "Here God, I'm on the operating table. I'm handing you the scalple, do what You will." And now, being on the other side of it, he can speak to these broken women in a way that continually touches me. Other than that, as my friend Jill says, "Marriage will show you just how selfish you are." Amen, sister. But we're working on it.

We are looking in the same direction- to where God is calling us. We have a ways to go yet, I think, before He calls us to the next step, but we are progressing every day. I can't wait to see what the next twenty years are like.

My sister Rachel

I haven't told you much about our families- other than mine is crazy (I have told you that, right?) How about an installment of who's who in our family line up?

My sister Rachel is- well, let's face it, amazing.



She's a doll. Rachel is probably the most merciful person you could meet. Don't get me wrong- she's also the first person to kick you in the butt about something, but she does it in love. Rachel was always the "Let's take home the starving puppy" child, although most of her lost "puppies" were hurting kids from school or church. Growing up, she was my constant companion. We did everything together. She was my shadow when we were kids- which means I was the bosy older sister, and made her do whatever it was I wanted to do. (Hey, what are older sisters for?) Countless hours were spent playing school, Barbies, dress up, tea party, house, and a vast variety of other games of pretend.

Although, as we got older that time was mostly made up of dancing together, which took up a great deal of our time. Rachel and I danced together for almost thirteen years. Not always in the same classes- hardly at all until the last five or so, but every week, there we were, being driven together to pursue our passion. When I began driving is when our time together really became constant, as I was now the one with the keys. We have a song- don't laugh- "Without Me" by Eminem. Yep, because that was really popular right when I began driving, and so we heard it together ALL THE TIME.

When the youth group at our church began a dance team, Rachel and I were leads because of all of our experience. As the random dances became full on productions, Rachel and I were placed in lead positions, as well as choreographing assistants. We made up the most AWESOME dance- no, seriously, it was wicked cool- to "Crawling in the Dark" by Hoobastank. Our second and third great contributions to the productions were "Wake Me Up" by Evanescence, and "Cry Me a River" by Justin Timberlake. Not exactly docile songs. "Crawling in the Dark" was our masterpiece and great collaberation- ask us about our "choreographing" sessions sometime. I think that basement is still echoing our laughter. But to watch us do it- numerous people said we gave them goosebumps, because, from our history of dance and our connection as sisters, we were PERFECTLY in sync. Every movement, every jump, every look was identically mirrored in the other. It was awesome. I miss those times with her, and wish we could share a giggle behind a couch on stage, or a lightning fast costume change, or lying on the floor in agony from every muscle screaming at us- just one more time.

As becoming adults goes, we are pretty normal. I did the move out, move in, move out, move in thing for several years. Rachel graduated high school and started college, but wasn't quite convinced that that was where she needed to be. And so began the great adveture of her life- seeking her Master. Rachel ended up working at Hume Lake Christian Camps in Hume, California, just outside of Fresno. After her first year, she joined their discipleship intensive- and I mean INTENSIVE. They basically are in Bible school for nine months straight, while they serve on staff, and at the end of every month, they do a missions outreach. She has been to a deaf orphanage in Mexico, and the streets of L.A. and Las Vegas, among others. At the end of the nine months, they spend almost three weeks in Israel, visiting places mentioned throughout the Bible, and not just the main touristy ones. It was life changing for her. She came back a different person- no, that's not right. She was still Rachel, but God had done some amazing healing and work within her.

I tend to be on the loud and crazy side, and while we were growing up, Rachel had been right there with me. That has changed a little as of late- not completely, because if you don't speak up at the dinner table, you are NOT heard- but a little. She has become more contemplative and reserved, like a small oaisis in the midst of the desert. Her waters run deeper, and have calmed down, despite what goes on around her. She still loves with all that she has, but has the self respect now to refuse being a doormat. She cares very deeply for those around her, and I pray that God will continue to surround her with people who both need her, and appreciate who she is. Rachel has always found joy in the simple things (which is kind of a family trait), and is just as content coloring with a five year old as with having a cup of coffee with a trusted friend. She still loves a crowd, but has found the peace that comes from solitude. It's just her and Jesus right now, and that's the way she likes it.

As of this moment, Rachel is living with a cousin in Idaho, nannying for their only daughter. She is saving up to return to school; first a community college, followed by Bible college. She has missions work under her skin, and after her trek to Thialand last fall, is even more in love with the Asian people. She is the hither-and-yond child of the family, and Mike and I hope to support her whenever God allows us to. I love her very dearly, and can't wait to see what the Creator, Sustainer, and our Passionate Father has in store for her next!

Sometimes I wonder...

This may become a regular instalment for the blog, because I wonder some weird stuff. Mike will just look at me sometimes, like, "Really?!" :) That's ok. It makes him laugh. But sometimes, you just have to wonder...

Does where you were conceived play a part in your personality?

Ok, go with me on this one. They say that there are all sorts of factors in life that dictate who you are and what you are like. Birth order, how many siblings, early trumatic experiences, a loving family, a broken family, living in the city, living in the country, small school, big school, what kinds of foods were available, financial status, educational quality and quantity- and that is just the NATURE part of that. What about the nurture? Blue eyes, brown eyes, blonde hair, black hair, curly hair, straight hair, long fingers, long toes, being short and squatty, being the girl from Ipanema, being susceptable to liver cancer, lung cancer, breast cancer, ect. ect. ect!

And I believe that names also play a huge part in who you are. If your feminine name means "great gray battleship", how likely are you to feel that you embody femine beauty? If your masculine name means "coward", how would you ever see yourself as the divine right-warrior you are?

So if all those things make a difference, couldn't where you were concieved play a part? If your child is concieved while camping, will they love the wilderness? If you get "friendly" at your mother-in-law's house, will that child be very quiet? If you make whoopie in a more public place, will that child be a tad on the naughty side, but full of passion? I'm sure you're laughing by now, but think about it- should prospective (or accidental) parents play it safe and never leave their bedroom, so they have nice, normal, slightly boring, but no trouble at all children? Hey, I've never had to think about this stuff before, but now that we're married- I mean, it's got to cross your mind!

I married Mike: the oldest of three, the only boy, strawberry blonde hair, blue green eyes, with glasses, grew up in a very LARGE city, went to a very LARGE school, had a VERY close, very large extended family, the only Christian, with an athletic build, dog lover, finished high school, has had some college, been in the Marines, named after his father, traveled the world, been a firefighter, been in war, extremely masculine man who likes to dissapear into the wilderness for days with a Bible and a gun.

So all in all, this oldest child of three girls, ash-blonde, straight haired, blue eyed, very loved daughter, brought up in a stable Christian home with both parents, in a small town, in a small school, in a middle-class neighborhood, with a dog, danced for years, graduated high school, almost through college, brought up on fruit, chicken, garlic, and pasta, been out of the country once (but it was half way across the world), with relatively close relatives, closer to short and squatty than an underwear model, has to watch out for breast cancer and high blood pressure/cholesterol, dance lover, named "Princess", and after her great grandmother, who apparently was a really amazing lady, extreme girly-girl who thinks roughing it is a Motel 6 (DEEP BREATH), has to ask herself:

What are our children going to be like? :)

It's going to be wild.

Letters of Intent

I love reading Tiff's, so I must do one of my own!

Dear Lands Conference,

Really? Did you really have to fall on THIS year of your five year rotation, and take my baby away? I'm sure you were aware that we just got married, and that I would not be ready for Mike to leave FOR A WHOLE WEEK! The spite and malice within your schedualling is really unbecoming, and unappreciated. I'm sure you think your talks about water, and land, and acquisition, and dams, and all that reclamation mumbo jumbo is vital and necessary to the continuation of life on planet earth- BUT IT'S NOT! How do you expect me to sleep without my foot touching his, or listening to his gentle snoring that at first was cute and now is a little bit annoying but I'm getting use to it? So you get to see him for a week, and I don't?! How fare is that?!?! NOW RETURN MY HUSBAND, OR ELSE!

That is all.

Sincerly,

Lonely Lover

A dirty little word- and a great encouragement.

I got called a "housewife" today. It was interesting. The girls were all going out to lunch, and I really didn't have the motivation or means to go, so I told them I needed to do some things around the house, which was true. "She's going to be a housewife" was the response. And while I don't think it was said derogatorily, it stung a bit none the less. The first thing that came to mind? One of my biblical heroes.

"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies", Proverbs tells us, but is that the way women in the home are really looked at today? The media shows these women as tired, broken down, less than feminine women, who have to deal with selfish, childish husbands, and rebellious, mouthy children. Most of these women look like whiny, needy, emotional messes, who, when asking for some consideration, or, God forbid, romance from their husbands, get treated with contempt, making the husband into a martyr for caring for his wife! The stable wife is never portrayed as the attractive woman of the show; that is always the single girl, who is on a different guys arm every week, having the so-called time of her life. Let me tell you, that is not the position to be envied. Is this the thanks we give to the women who nurture our young? The ones who make a house into a home?

"Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all of her life", Proverbs goes on. Isn't that what a wife should be viewed as? His helpmate, his partner, his friend? That's what I want said of me. I have always wanted to be a wife. When you asked me as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say, "A mommy." Wife and mother go hand in hand. I have waited for years for God to mold me into the woman I am today, so that I may be a great asset to my husband. Am I a housewife? Darn right, and proud of it!

Proverbs goes on to describe a woman of many talents, calling her energetic, strong, thrifty, merciful, compassionate, and competent in business. An early riser and a night owl. Some people see this as Solomon's sexism coming out, describing a woman that doesn't exist. Some think this is an amalgamation of traits that he thinks women should posses. At any rate, she would be a fearsome thing to behold, and one to whom we should never compare ourselves. But I think the Proverbs 31 woman is a person I would like to strive to be. And you know what? I won't get it all down all the time. It doesn't say anywhere in the chapter that she must be all of these things at once, so I will content myself with using her as a guide. Do I know squat about business? Nope, but we may one day own our own, and then I'm going to have to learn. Am I thrifty? My mom always said I had a champagne taste on a water fountain budget. I like those Coach purses! Am I always "extend[ing] a helping hand to the poor and open arms to the needy"? I do what I can, when I can. Mike and I tend to give until we bleed. No, I will not always get it all right, but I can look up to this woman, whom the wisest man who ever lived, praised above all other women.

"Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders." (A position of great respect.) I heard a broadcast recently of a sermon done on this chapter. My favorite part was this part. His opinion was that he was well known at the city gate, because of how his wife was capable and respected. He (in a "Jewish" voice, which was hilarious) had a conversation with himself between the woman's husband and another leader of the city. "What do you have in your lunch today?" "Gufilte fish! Always gufilte fish! I'm sick of gufilte fish! What do you have?" "Roast lamb sandwich on homemade bread, wine- my wife makes her own wine, you know- (he listed several things here), baklava- oh! And a pudding cup!" "Baklava AND a pudding cup?! I wish my wife took care of me like that! Do you think your wife could come over to my house and talk to my wife?" At this point, they see a beautiful woman on a chariot approaching. "Who is that?" "That's my wife!" His wife comes up and says "I just made a pan of brownies, and thought you guys might want some!" And the second man is blown away. It was a funny way to look at this verse, but that is how I want to be seen. I want to be known as Mike's right hand, his greatest encouragement and asset. I want to take care of him in a way that shows other married couples what it really means to love your neighbor as yourself, because what neighbor is closer to you than your spouse? Again, will I always get it right? No, but I sure am going to try!

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!" What a testimony! What a life! There are no mouthy and disrespectful children in this scene, no incompetant and lazy husband. They recognize the blessing from God that she is, and publicly acknowledge that. Why shouldn't I add this woman to my heroes list? She fears the Lord, and is greatly praised. She is a housewife, and I am proud to join her ranks!

Naysayers and critics- if you don't like what I'm saying, get out of my way! I don't have time for your insults and discouragement- I'm a housewife, and I have a lot to do!

Yes, we're ACTUALLY married.

I thought some of you might like to see this video. As I said before, we forgot to sign the marriage license before we left the reception. As my dad says, in the state of Colorado, you could be married by a duck and it would be legal, so we were actually ok, but it was really funny to come back and capture this moment. Enjoy!

Just call me the Biker Chick!

So Mike picks me up from work today, and I asked him how his afternoon was.

His morning was spent lazily doing his first homework assignments, which are very basic "What are you goals in college?" "What are your goals after college?" questions, and he was HATING it. So during lunch we stopped into the Harley Davidson store to drool, just one more time. Mike has made up his mind about which one he wants, now he was just trying to figure out when. As he dropped me off at work again, I told him that if he went back and bought the bike, he better change his answer to the question: "What are you doing today to pursue those goals?", from "I'm taking a nap, because they're underrated", to "I'm buying a Harley."

So he picks me up, and I asked him how his afternoon was. He told me he wasn't really motivated to finish his schoolwork, so he was just on the computer most of the afternoon. I thought there were some holes in the timeline of his afternoon, but didn't press for details. I asked him what he wanted to do this evening, and he said "Maybe we could go for a bike ride."

I was on the phone with my sister, when he went out the front door. "Where are you going?", I called from the couch. "Just out here." Which is weird, because he doesn't just do that. A few minutes later, being the nosy wife I am, opened the front door and looked out. The Harley Davidson truck was out front. I closed the door, squealed to my sister, and then acted like nothing happened. I heard that unmistakable engine start up a few minutes later, and after a while, he came back in. He came up behind me, kissed me on the cheek, dangled the keys in front of me, and said, "Wanna come see what I found?"

So, we are the proud new owners of a beautiful blue, something something something, Harley Davidson. Hey, I don't care what the thing is- but I sure am going to look hot on the back of it!

Putting My Foot Down- a People Pleaser's Breakthrough

I am my father's daughter. I have the hardest time saying no. I also have busy-beeness on both sides of my family. The one adjective I would really not ever consider using on myself is "slacker". This makes me a very excellent worker. And a very abused one as well.

My Aunt Pammy bought us a book for our wedding called "Sex Begins In the Kitchen"- and yes, you all wish you had my family. I started reading is at a very opportune moment this week. It is a surprisingly insightful book into who your marriage partner actually is, and how their birth order, personality, and childhood experiences make up their paradigm of life and who they are today. The second chapter talks about birth order as a means of defining who you are. As a first born, I am driven to succeed, and have a few perfectionist tendencies. The third chapter is about seven general personalities that stem from birth order. Firstborns tend to be people-pleasers because they want people to like them. Add to that my father's temperament- make every body happy, don't make waves, life should be happy-go-lucky (the ultimate Tigger personality), and both of my parents finding their identity in a job well done- and you have me. The best worker slash frequent doormat you could ever want.
You know what's great about God? How well He knows us. Mike is truly the best husband he could have given me in this area. If Mike was a people pleaser as well, he would have just stood by this week and let this situation play itself out. But he's not. Mike isn't afraid of confrontation, he is well read and prepared for every situation that arises (it seems like), and he is more than able to say "No". Which is good for me.
I work in retail, which means my schedule changes every week. I have been in my current position of leadership almost as long as I have worked for this company, and did not have any boundaries in my scheduling up until I stepped down last January. I can take a few for the team, and I am more than willing to come in when someone is sick or hasn't shown up, or any number of things. I have been the on-call girl, in a job that doesn't pay to be on-call. I stepped down because I had gotten mono in December, and really needed that time to heal, as well as plan our wedding. I stepped back up in March, more as a favor to the manager, who was in a tight spot, than anything else. They gave me the time off for the wedding, as well as for the two graduations that followed last month. But our manager is gone now, and we have an interim, who has been wonderful, don't get me wrong. Up until now. She went against my availability (Sunday's off), and scheduled me for Sunday, all day. Mike is willing to let me make the decision to take it or fight it, but his vote is for fighting it. The wonderful man not only told me to say "No" flat out, but then brought home a printout on Title VII of the Civil Rights Act; Religious Freedom. An employer must make allowances for religious freedom. I'm not really sure why I was hired and promoted with a very open understanding that my Sundays could be accommodated, if that is not the case. So I did it. I said "No". I was shaking, my stomach hurt, and I was having a hard time breathing, but I did it. The new manager, who starts this week, said she wants to talk to me about my availability on my next shift. I am needing to step down anyway, as school starts next month, but I stood up for myself. And I feel awful. But my needs are important too. I need a day to spend the morning worshiping with the Body, and I also need to spend a lazy afternoon with my husband, going for a walk by the river, having family dinner, going to the range to shoot, reading, going to a movie- doing whatever it is that is fun and strengthens our relationship with each other. Because that is way more important than the bottom line of a company ever could be.
Am I still a hard worker? Definitely. Just one who is learning to stand up for herself.

Big boys and their toys

It has begun. Already.

Now, for those of you who know Mike, you already know what kinds of "big boy toys" he likes. For those of you who don't, let me clue you in.

Mike has done some amazing things in his life. He has seen and done things that most of us will never experience, both good and bad. Mike has done some EMT work, and was a firefighter for a while before joining the Marines. He was in Iraq for a few months, and although he was not on the front lines, has seen what war can be. He has witnessed many people in very bad situations. His brain works like a triage unit, classifying things that are important enough to be called "head trauma", and unimportant things that could be called "sprained ankle". He talks, understandably, about the "head trauma" things, and dismisses almost everything else. Not that those things are not important, but kinda.

Anyway, all that to say, Mike likes guns. That would be an understatement. One of my favorite things about Mike is that when he likes something, he reads up on it. And I mean EVERYTHING. Anything he can get his hands on. When he wanted to learn about successful marriages, he bought books. When he is interested in a political topic, he reads several news sources. When he is researching a product, he looks for magazines, checks forums, and, as he has been doing for the last hour, talks to the building manager about the shared interest. So when I say Mike likes guns, this isn't a "I'm cool because I have one and I'll whip it out and wave it around because I'm so cool" kind of thing. He takes it VERY seriously.

Mike is pro-Second Amendment, and exercises that right frequently. He is a member of the NRA, and recently became a licensed instructor under them. He is a member of the gun club here in town, and competes monthly in the International Defensive Pistol Association. He isn't a fanatic, but has the opinion of that song "Way Out Here":

Our homes are protected/By the good Lord and a gun/And you might meet 'em both if you come around here not welcome son

Having a firearm in the house doesn't negate his faith in God's protection over us. He just views it as doing his part in that protection. He is intensely protective- it doesn't really matter who you are. He hates injustice, and the intentional theft of innocence. He is a wonderful man. Have I mentioned that?

Except that wasn't what I was talking about. Motorcycles. That's my big boy's new favorite toy. It has been an interest for a while, and he was seriously considering it right before we met. Then he got a little distracted- I don't know why ;)- and faded into the background for a while. Soon after we started dating, I mentioned how I love motorcycles, my one "wild child" thing, I think I called it. He stared at me and nearly drove off the road. "Really?! Most women hate them!" Not this woman. I LOVE them. Every spring, the riders come out, and I just long to be on the back of one, the wind blowing in my hair- or against my helmet, I guess- our shiny bike beneath us, the wide open road before us, and the wild blue yonder above us. I would LOVE to have a bike. I'd look good in leather.

He's signed up for the class this next month, he has a quote from the bank, and we've been at the dealership twice in the last 24 hours. The intevitable (YAY!) seems to be quickly approaching. And why not? We aren't going to be on this earth forever. We might as well enjoy the proverbial ride!

That being said, it's been over an hour. Whether the super is holding him captive or the other way around, somebody needs saving. Or at least reminding that dinner is getting cold. Love you!

Houston- we have pictures!

These are just a few of my favo- well, let's be honest... They're all my favorites! But here's a few in black and white. My dress...


A stolen kiss on the balcony.


The girls all wore sparkly shoes- mine are the black ones with the big flower. I love the uniqueness of their tastes!


This was Mike's idea: the elevator. Not one of us knew that the elevators in the Double Tree are mirrored with gold accents! It was fabulous!


My grandmother made our ring bearer's pillow. What a treasure!


This one was snapped right after we put the veil on. You have no idea how good it is to see me smiling in these!


This is right after the ceremony. I love this man! I'll put some more up as time goes on. Thanks for checking in!

These are copyrighted Kristen Bleger, Sunflower Eyes Photography 2010. Any one who uses them will be drug out in the street and shot, then fifty lashes, and then, you walk the plank.

Any one who admires her work should get over to her website: sunflowereyesphotography.com, or check out her blog at dubaya.blogspot.com.

Thank you again, Kristin, for sharing your amazing gift with us!

Learning Boundaries, Loving People

I can't believe it's been a month already. What a month it has been. We have had quite a lot go on the past few weeks. Mike's work really picks up in the spring and summer when the weather is good enough to actually get projects done. My work just went through a major management change which was sudden and unexpected. My dad graduated from college, which was majorly exciting, and is now being pursued by a company, which could mean a move for my parents. My sister Danielle graduates this weekend from high school, and will be working all summer in order to head off to college in the fall. My sister Rachel is currently at a wedding in California, and just got offered a nanny position with a relative, and will be in Idaho all summer. Not to mention having close friends going through some very big things in their lives, some good, some ok, and some... very bad.
I am a person who takes everything on me. If you stub your toe, have a bad day, get a bad haircut, lose your job, lose a loved one, break a relationship- and you tell me, I take it on. I take it on like I am the one going through it- not empathizing, but actually making it my own and grieving with you. This makes me a very loyal friend, and a very exhausted one as well. I have been learning this about myself for a while, and figuring out that it isn't the healthiest habit to have. If I assume the problem like a cloak around me, I become weighed down, very quickly. This is me loving out of myself, not out of the One who is Love. What is the difference? Our love, the love we manufacture and give out of ourselves, is imperfect and incomplete. Our love is a sprinter, great in short bursts, but not made to withstand the test and trial of time. Our love is essentially selfish, and born out of selfish desires and imperfect.
His love, however, is perfect. It molds us, shapes us, comforts us and never lets us down. His perfect love casts out fear and has defeated death. His love is the perfect marathoner, able to withstand, and never withholds. I don't know if you have ever felt this love, dear friend, if you have ever recognized it for what it is. But it has been there with you just the same. Holding your hand, holding you tight, calling to your soul. Listen for it, loved one, because it most certainly is there, and it hasn't given up on you.

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can't and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high about the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

So no wonder I have a hard time loving people. That is not the kind of love I have. But it is the kind of love He has. Which is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

Marital Bliss

We did it.

We sat on the love seat in our apartment on the evening of Saturday, April 17th, 2010, and could'nt believe it.

We did it.

The ceremony was perfect. Truly the culmination of four months of planning, five months of engagement, 12 months of relationship, 23 years of waiting, and 28 years of hoping. It was the crowning flourish of our time apart. The exclamation point our Father chose to put on the time and preparation HE had put into all of this. And the most magnificent way to send us into our life together. It was truly God's perfection.

As an added blessing and surprise, my dad chose to share with us his blessing while giving me away. My dad is a wonderfully deep, and feeling man. His words of love and encouragement warm my heart even now, as he welcomed Mike into our family. He expressed his pride and joy in each of us, and our choice of each other, and declared that our lives would be blessed. It was wonderful. He was wonderful, as he stood there, delivering a speech that must have made his stomach tie up in knots, and definitely made his eyes well up with tears. He was comforted by my mom at his side, a fitting and true testimate to their marriage vows and relationship, which works itself out each and every day. They truly are each others helpmate and best friend. The way Mike and I want to be. Perfect? Not even close. But they choose to love, each and every moment of every day, and that makes all the difference in the world.

Dear friend, I wish you could have been there. Or maybe you were, and you read these words with a knowing smile. For those of you who weren't, it was a day soaked with Christ's love. Was it a perfect day? FAR FROM IT. No, it was not the fairytale day I had envisioned. But you know what? It didn't matter. At the end of the day, I was married to Mike.

Sort of. :) We forgot to sign the marriage certificate. We both have our phones on silent, but when we checked to make sure they were off, we each had multiple calls and texts telling us that we had forgotten one very important detail. Oh well. I looked at Mike, he looked at me, and neither of us cared. In the eyes of God and all those witnesses, we were married. The state of Colorado could wait until we got back.

We sat there, at the end of our day, just trying to drink it all in, struggling to absorb even a fraction of the day. There hadn't been nearly enough time, and one of the longest days of our lives at the same time. You know what's really neat? The only parts of the day that were rough were the parts without Mike in it. It was only when I was holding his hand, kissing his cheek, and laughing in his arms that the day seemed truly magical. He said he had been anxious to see me, even for a moment. Every thing within him was crying out my name. I could relate. I couldn't wait to walk down that isle. The day couldn't go by fast enough. Even with my very choreographed processional that I had planned for years, everything within me wanted to RUN down that gauntlet of people. The back of the sanctuary had a large window that I would have to pass by in order to enter the doors. My dad held a large black and white umbrella as we walked by it to hide me before my grand double door entrance (Thank you Jesus!). Mike said that he wanted to see me so badly, just a glimpse, and when he saw that umbrella go by, his heart sunk, because he knew I was behind it, and he'd have to wait a few more seconds - an eternity - to get to see me. As we walked down, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I didn't even want to blink, because I'd miss even a millisecond of this moment. (For those of you who happen to be gagging on the cheeseiness at the moment - get over yourself. You clearly have never been in love.) My dad put my hand in Mike's, and I held on for dear life. I realized halfway through the ceremony that we had been CLENCHING each other's hands, and I was beginning to lose some feeling. But I didn't want to let go. I didn't cry, and neither did Mike. Our voices never wavered, although Mike wasn't sure he was going to get through the vows, something about being distracted at the moment. :) But there were no tears. Just excitement. I couldn't wait to be joined with this man. This holy, righteous, Godly man, who is by no means perfect, but he's perfect for me. We are so US when we're together; we joked through communion, I guided him through the dance that was our communtion/sand pouring/prayer song, and I impatiently poured too fast and ran out of impetuous, excited, clumsy white sand, so the top of the vase is covered by his patient, loving, slow to anger black sand. :) I love us.

And so we sat there. Feet exhausted, makeup starting to smudge, deodorant on its last leg, flowers wilting, the hem of my dress dirty from being dragged and stepped on. But we were married. Wholy, reverently, excitedly, relievedly, abundantly, perfectly, blissfully, FINALLY MARRIED!

And that, my dear friend, was all that mattered in the world.

We're getting married today...

I can hardly believe it. We are actually getting married today. Five months of engagement, four months of planning, and 24 years of prayerful waiting, and 29 years of searching. He found me. And I found him. Oh Lord! How gracious and merciful is your love towards us!

Oh I can't believe that I finally found you, baby
Happy ever after after all this time
Oh there's going to be some ups and downs
But with you to wrap my arms around
I'm fine
-Lady Antebellum

Lord, this is an outpouring to You. Take our lives, the good and the bad, and make us more like You. Heal the hurts of the past through each other. Don't let us bring any regrets, hard feelings, dissapointments, or shouldacouldawouldas into our union today. Let the song of my heart give Mike joy and peace. Let the stillness of his soul be a safe and healing place for me to be. As we join today, make us truely one. One heart, one mind, one mission. I say goodbye to Sarah Stugart today. Thank you for the wonderful family you gave me to grow with. Let me let go as I cling to Mike. Bless them for the roles they have played in my life. God, grant Mike's family grace, and bless them for all the good they have done for him. Unite us. Bless us. Grace today with Your presance. Let today be Your day. Let it go just the way You planned. I feel that boyish grin smiling over us right now. May we always see and deserve that smile. I ask for all of Your good and perfect gifts today. Bless us on our wedding day. We give you all of the glory, all of the honor, all of the praise today, and every day. Let our light shine and our testimony speak of Your truth. We love you, Lord.
Your daughter,
Sarah...

Dombrowski :)

The difinitive call

I said I would tell you what happened over the summer. Well, the miraculous. It was two months into my being at home with my family, with about a month to go. God had really shaped our friendship during those summer months. Only having the phone to hang out with really makes those conversations worthwhile. As much as we didn't like it, that time was good for us to be apart. It made us realize just how far we had come so fast, and how much we truely appreciated and enjoyed each other's company. I'm tempted to say that all relationships should have this period of separation, to see if the togetherness will stand up to the test. It may shed a clear light on things that are better left discarded, or worth holding onto with all your might.

So it was the middle of June, and I was babysitting. Megan and Benjie had come up to Loveland for a wedding, and the girls needed to be looked after for the afternoon. Who wouldn't want to watch those two? God bless those little rays of sunny delight! So I was watching the girls. I put them down for a nap, and hopped on the internet to waste the day away. And Mike called. SIGH! How I love that man! No, seriously, ask my family. I was such a sad puppy all summer. They deserve a medal for putting up with me that way.

I stepped out into the hallway to be able to talk, and left the door cracked open to listen. We began talking, the usual, light hearted stuff. Work, the weather, that we had been thinking about eachother. Sadie decided to wake up just as our conversation was getting more personal. I had to bring her out with me so she wouldn't wake Lily, but didn't have a whole lot for her to do. We walked around the building, stuck our feet in the pool, and ended up sitting outside the room again, where she proceeded to rip apart three different brochures into tiny little peices. Mike and I were talking about our friendship and how we thought things were going. And without warning (or meaning to), I dropped a bomb on him. "Wait, what?" he interupted. "What do you mean, what?" I was confused. "Did you just say you wanted to marry me?"

Now, we had already had this conversation. About a month and a half before that. Here were my exact words:
"I want to laugh, cry, plan, dream, have kids, and work with you, for the rest of my life."
Now, to me, that's pretty clear. But apparently I needed to clarify.

"Michael Dombrowski, I want to be your wife within the year."
Silence.
"Wow."
I started laughing. "I already told you that!"
"Not in those exact words! I just... Wow."

I'm still laughing. I thought of that this week as we are going through marriage counciling with Mark. Communication, even between people who want to be clear always and never missunderstood, can be muddled. I told him that first night that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and how well he knows it. He strives to always keep me informed and to never be vauge, which I appreciate. Mind games have no place within a marriage, and playing the guessing game is neither fun nor fair to either spouse. Things placed out on the table, out in the open, are the ones that get dealt with in the best manner. I appreciate Mike's honesty in all things, even when it's hard for me to hear. But I try very hard to approach every discussion with an open heart, and the understanding that Mike loves me very much, and is not criticizing me. Does that make things easier to hear? No, especially when he's right. But it does make me pause and take a deep breath, and approach the conversation without my defenses up and a wall in place. He's my partner in this walk, not my adversary.

"Don't you want to marry me?" I asked, trying to hide the grin in my voice.
"Well, YEAH, but I wasn't sure where you were at!"

So, in the middle of June, in the heat of the day, by the cool of the pool-wait...- we decided. This was it. We were getting married.