Putting My Foot Down- a People Pleaser's Breakthrough

I am my father's daughter. I have the hardest time saying no. I also have busy-beeness on both sides of my family. The one adjective I would really not ever consider using on myself is "slacker". This makes me a very excellent worker. And a very abused one as well.

My Aunt Pammy bought us a book for our wedding called "Sex Begins In the Kitchen"- and yes, you all wish you had my family. I started reading is at a very opportune moment this week. It is a surprisingly insightful book into who your marriage partner actually is, and how their birth order, personality, and childhood experiences make up their paradigm of life and who they are today. The second chapter talks about birth order as a means of defining who you are. As a first born, I am driven to succeed, and have a few perfectionist tendencies. The third chapter is about seven general personalities that stem from birth order. Firstborns tend to be people-pleasers because they want people to like them. Add to that my father's temperament- make every body happy, don't make waves, life should be happy-go-lucky (the ultimate Tigger personality), and both of my parents finding their identity in a job well done- and you have me. The best worker slash frequent doormat you could ever want.
You know what's great about God? How well He knows us. Mike is truly the best husband he could have given me in this area. If Mike was a people pleaser as well, he would have just stood by this week and let this situation play itself out. But he's not. Mike isn't afraid of confrontation, he is well read and prepared for every situation that arises (it seems like), and he is more than able to say "No". Which is good for me.
I work in retail, which means my schedule changes every week. I have been in my current position of leadership almost as long as I have worked for this company, and did not have any boundaries in my scheduling up until I stepped down last January. I can take a few for the team, and I am more than willing to come in when someone is sick or hasn't shown up, or any number of things. I have been the on-call girl, in a job that doesn't pay to be on-call. I stepped down because I had gotten mono in December, and really needed that time to heal, as well as plan our wedding. I stepped back up in March, more as a favor to the manager, who was in a tight spot, than anything else. They gave me the time off for the wedding, as well as for the two graduations that followed last month. But our manager is gone now, and we have an interim, who has been wonderful, don't get me wrong. Up until now. She went against my availability (Sunday's off), and scheduled me for Sunday, all day. Mike is willing to let me make the decision to take it or fight it, but his vote is for fighting it. The wonderful man not only told me to say "No" flat out, but then brought home a printout on Title VII of the Civil Rights Act; Religious Freedom. An employer must make allowances for religious freedom. I'm not really sure why I was hired and promoted with a very open understanding that my Sundays could be accommodated, if that is not the case. So I did it. I said "No". I was shaking, my stomach hurt, and I was having a hard time breathing, but I did it. The new manager, who starts this week, said she wants to talk to me about my availability on my next shift. I am needing to step down anyway, as school starts next month, but I stood up for myself. And I feel awful. But my needs are important too. I need a day to spend the morning worshiping with the Body, and I also need to spend a lazy afternoon with my husband, going for a walk by the river, having family dinner, going to the range to shoot, reading, going to a movie- doing whatever it is that is fun and strengthens our relationship with each other. Because that is way more important than the bottom line of a company ever could be.
Am I still a hard worker? Definitely. Just one who is learning to stand up for herself.