A Good Marriage

"There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage." -Martin Luther

How hard it is, isn't it, to truly trust another human being? Even if you are totally convinced that this person would never intentionally hurt you, there's still those times when you feel like running and hiding, don't you? It's funny, I think I was perceptive beforehand, but after my training as an anthropologist, I analyze and look deeper into everything. Not only to I behave, act, react, speak, and reason out of instinct, I then look back and ask why I did any or all of those things! I bought a bag of Cheetos this month while Mike was gone. It was a frivolous purchase, and I knew it, so I was determined to have the evidence gone by the time he got back. Why? He already knows I'm frivolous and act on whims- what would this bag of junk food say to him that he didn't already know? We're funny like that, aren't we? We can rationalize away just about anything, excuse our bad, rebelious or impetuous behavior, a just generally float through life not taking responsibility for our actions. Owning up to my own selfishness and bad attitudes- that I wasn't even aware of- has become a challenge in our early married life. If I don't recognize them, how will I repent, and if I don't repent of them, how will I change, and if I don't change, how will I become the woman of God I so desperately want to be? Are you trucking with me on this, or am I out in left field?

I want a good marriage. Desperately. And I want to be a good wife. Wholeheartedly. Lord, give me the strength to look my sin and flesh in the face, recognize it for what it is, and crucify it daily. Lord, I give you all of the strength and ability that is within me, every cell, sinew, molecule; I am Yours. Use me in my marriage as a partner, a helper, a companion, a trusted ally and friend. You have created me for this man, and for this marriage. Help me to live up to that. Help me to excell in that. Help me to be an example to others.

Just don't let me screw it up.

Amen.

My husband- the teacher

What a great day it has been. Mike's parents are putting in wood flooring in their house this weekend. Mike's Uncle John from Phoenix does flooring for a living, so he and his wife Jennifer and their three boys came up to help out and visit. We've had the boys for a few hours, and have had a blast. Mike wanted to take them shooting, and I thought what a better time to practice his skills as a teacher, and as a family member. We took them to the gun shop to buy ear plugs, and then out to the outdoor range. Mike was wonderful. He is so patient, and goes over the safety of handling firearms so well. He had the boys repeat after him the safety rules; and the oldest being 13, the more repetition the better. He had them shoot their grandfather's .38 special. Grandpa Richard died in February, and the family is still intensely feeling the loss. Shooting his pistol was an honor I think each of them felt. They did him proud, and each shot exceptionally. They listened, followed instructions, and asked questions. Mike paid them each special attention, praised highly, explained things fully, and genuinely was proud of them. I did my womanly duty and cleaned up shells after them. ;) I made sure each one felt that they had done very well, because they had. We had a quick lunch at Ta*o B*ll, and then went to the indoor range to shoot the .22 Long Rifle. Again, they each did well. They are currently glowing. The conversation from the other room is still revolving around, well, revolvers.

Can I just say, I cannot wait until we have kids? I mean, I don't think we'll be intentionally trying anytime soon, but it is going to be fun. Mike is going to make a great dad. He keeps teasing me about us having all boys. Oh Lord, please don't be that cruel to me! :) I would really like to have boys, but I want a few girls too. Girls are just way too fun. But the patience and teaching that Mike displays is so wonderful. I pray for a brood with different likes and interests, giftings and abilities. Concert pianist, ballerinas, football players, black belts, soccer players, artists, singers, potters, motorcyclists, teachers- it doesn't matter to us. We will encourage each one of them separately, equally, and individually. But Lord, please give us boys who will share their dad's enjoyment of the outdoors and things that go boom. That's all I'm asking. And for girls. PLEASE.

Talk to you soon!

Adventures in Harleyland!

Thought you might want to see the maiden voyage of the S.S. ScaringOurParentsToDeath! (Or SOPTD for short!) Yes, Mike is back, has his licence and his insurance, and is off onto the open road!

More to come! Love ya!

It's Father's Day!

Want to meet my biggest fan? (Other than Mike?)

Yep, that's my dad! My dad is AWESOME. He adopts any kid that may come into his house- they are all his girls! I'm daughter #1, Rachel is #2, Danielle is #3, and after that, he assigns numbers as they come. We're probably up to about 63. Anyone and everyone are welcome in our house, and every one is loved the same. He never complained about the enormous grocery bill that accompanied feeding this mass horde of teenagers, and merely tiptoed around the thirty sleeping bags that occasionally populated our family or living room- or both.

There are many great fathers in the world, but it takes a special man to have all daughters. He was preconditioned for it, though, with two sisters growing up. I don't know many understanding men who would allow twenty years of dinner table discussions revolving around Barbies, ponies, purses, shoes, bras, and periods. Not occasionally. Litterally twenty years of it. He takes it all in stride; just finishes his dinner, pushes back from the table, and vacates the room. He is a master of listening, having a wife and three VERY feeling daughters (especially this one!). His patience is legendary. By myself, I could have given him grey hair. And he had two more!

Not that we were very trying children. I've told them how lucky they were. They laughed outright at me, but really, we could have given them a lot harder time than we did. No sneaking out, drinking, partying, or trying drugs. We had no reason to go do that stuff- all our friends wanted to hang out at OUR house!

Among his other winning characteristics as a dad, he was Mr. Fix-it. And I mean everything. The sink, the car, the Barbie's head, a tea set, jewlery, the fence, the window, and various broken hearts. He could fix it all. That was one of my favorite things about him. He has these two great big tool cabinets, and as a child, it seemed that the supply of magical fix-it (duct tape and super glue) was unending.

He poured into us in other ways as well. Some of our favorite times were our yearly science projects. Countless (last minute) hours were spent in the garage, side by side, using up all of his stock of supplies, creating an A+ project. Levers, pullies, race tracks- nothing was too complex, and he really seemed to own everything and anything that could be used for such projects. He would help with homework, Scripture memory verses, and was always, always encouraging.

Our personalities are similar, as I have hinted to before. Mike reads the manual, and my dad and I just want to do it. Damn the consequences! :) We lean towards being people pleasers, and can get along with just about any one. We are hard workers, and love music and worship. Both of my parents encouraged me to dance, but my dad really understood the application of it within worship. I love hearing his opinion on the latest worship song craze- whether it is good or bad, it is always entertaining. He's goofy and funny, and loves to laugh. He describes himself as "Tigger", just bouncing along, not a care in the world. He's quick and witty, and it's been fun growing up and being able to leave this rapier wit speachless. :)

My dad was also not afraid to be the discaplinarian. I love him even more for that now. Had he been bent on being my "buddy", I would not have an example to judge Godly men by. I'm so glad he didn't shirk that responsiblity.

When it became apparent to me that Mike and I were on the road to marriage, I began to appreciate my dad more, as I watched the natural progression of him relinqueshing the role of the man in my life. He did it with grace and ease- or at least it seemed that way to me. He loves Mike, and Mike loves him. They are becoming better friends all the time, and I am so glad. He was more than generous with our wedding, and lavished his love on us. What was even more amazing than that, and I mentioned this before, was his blessing over us during the ceremony. I need to get a copy of that. It was AMAZING. Heartfelt, passionate, loving, encouraging, and accepting, he welcomed Mike into our family with flourish. Nothing could have been more wonderful.

Anyway, that's my dad. We love him so much, and just wanted to let you know why! Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Elizabethtown

Ok, yes, I did go through my Hollywood crush phase a little later than most girls, and yes, Orlando Bloom was my main heartthrob. Those days are behind now. (He hasn't done anything in a while.:)

The movie Elizabethtown is one of my favorites. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it, although, I highly recommend it only if you see it with me. Karin hated it the first time, but then she watched it with me and liked it. The movie just speaks to me about how life can get away from you if you let it, and how we shouldn't let what is really important get lost in the midst of life. I love Kirstin Dundst in the film. She is quirky, bubbly, funny, fun, sweet, honest, and giving. The things she says and thinks reminds me of me. "I'm a student of names." she tells Drew Baylor (Orlando Bloom). She seems obnoxious at first, but she grows on him. (As I hope some of you are able to say of me!)

One of my favorite movies scenes of all time is at the very beginning of their relationship. She is a stewardess on his flight to pick up his dad's body for burial. He carries with him the "lucky blue suit" that was his father's favorite. She has just talked his ear off for quite a while in the middle of the night, and stands up to leave. "I'll take this." She says, picking up the blue suit. He lunges forward to take it back from her. She doesn't relinquish it, however, and tells him: "I can handle this." He hesitates. "Let GO." He does so, and leans back in his chair, exhausted.

Orlando spends the rest of the movie experiencing the life he has missed out on for the last eight years of his father's life, because he was too busy. He let life control him, and he had lost himself in it. It is a wonderful road back to where he needs to be, and wonderful to see him get there.

The journey, however, would not have begun without that first scene. When faced with separation from what we cling to, don't we hold on for dear life? Aren't we so afraid to relinquish that which holds us back? Why? What is it really we are giving up? Control. I love her line, and I hear that one echo in my head on more than one occasion. "I'll take this. I can handle it. Let GO." How many times does our Heavenly Father say those exact words to us?

When faced with that choice, our humanity scrambles to hold onto all that we hold dear, even when it really means nothing. Without that transfer of control, our Father is not able to begin his work within us. And we may not even see the work going on! Her presence is healing to him, but he misses it completely. Half way through the movie, he confesses to her that he is a big fat failure (the opening scene is him being fired for loosing a major company close to one billion dollars). There have been all of these things going on, but he doesn't even see them. Claire (Dundst) replies: "So, you failed." He makes it clear that she doesn't get it. "Ok, you REALLY failed. You failed, you failed, you failed. You failed. You failed, you failed, you failed, you failed. You FAILED, you failed-". He cuts her off with a look. "You think I care about that?" Isn't that what Jesus tells us when we are broken? He looks at us, at the mess we've made, at the destruction we have caused in our own lives, and all of the shattered pieces of our broken hearts. And asks us one question: "You think I care about that?"

What freedom and redemption there is in that one sentence! Thank you so much, dear Lord, that when we are at our worst, your work has already begun. You never leave us, nor forsake us in the mess we make of things. You pick us up, clean us off, wipe away our tears, and begin HEALING and RESTORING us. Your mercy and grace are too wonderful for words, and I praise Your Holy and Awesome Name.

The next time you find yourself in the belly of a whale, in captivity in Egypt, in hiding on Mount Carmel, or in Elizabethtown, listen intently. I promise you will hear these words. "I'll take this. I can handle it. Let GO." And when you try to tell God He can't make use of any of your life because you have screwed it up so badly, I guarantee His words will be, "You think I care about that?"

If you needed to hear that today, I'm glad I was here to say it. As Claire would say, "We may never see each other again, but I just want to say: We are intrepid. We carry on." Love you!

Letters of Intent

Dear Attitude,

Can I just say that you are my worst quality? I mean, in pictures, you're great. Don't get me wrong, the "kissy face", the "hip pop", and the "eyebrow", are greatly appreciated. By the way, I'm running low on scrapbooking supplies; chip in, or ship out.
So it's not that you don't have your uses. Like when mom used to ask us to do something. Or when we are on stage. There, on stage, you may let yourself run wild and free. It's the stage! You can be, do, say, think, and feel anything you want, Attitude. But not here.
You see, you tend to rear your ugly head at just the most inappropriate times. That person did not wake up with the intention of cutting you off in traffic. That person didn't mean to say that the way it came out. Or maybe they did, but that's on them, not you. The mosquitoes have a job to do. A nasty, annoying, aggrivating job, but their just doing their job to the fullest extent of their ability. And the sun did not unleash a personal vendeta on us today... we just apparently don't know when to apply sunscreen. And Mike certianly wasn't prepared for the appearance you made this evening. It was undeserved, and we had to appologize for it.
So, to be clear: In the future, we need to stop, take a deep breath, bury the diva, and use our nice voice. And if you could let your good friend, Emotions, know that we're also running low on mascara, and would appreciate cooperation in that area, that'd be great.

Sincerly,

Woman in need of sleep, aloe, Benadryl, a good friend, and her husband.

Two Months Today...

Can you tell I'm lonely- and bored? I've posted every day this week. Eh, it's good for me. Mike is in Texas this week at a conference, and I am MISSING him. I made up an excuse to go into his favorite gun shop yesterday, just to have some normality, and a little peice of him. It has been two months today since we got married. Wow. When I pointed this out to him tonight, he replied, "Yep, and before you know it, it will have been twenty years." I love my Mr. Realist.

These two months have been JAM PACKED. I feel like God is speaking constantly right now, showing us things about ourselves that need to change, pointing us in new directions, bringing up new things to think about. My mom laughed when I told her it's been nuts. "Didn't you tell me you felt like God said you were going to hit the ground running after the wedding?" Yes, yes I did. So this is what He meant.

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking in the same direction." -Antoine-deSaint-Exupery

We are definately taking turns right now in gazing at each other, and then looking together into the future. But we're newlyweds, so that's expected. :) We are so excited about what God has in store for us. Mike is in the throes of online classes, persuing security management. I can't wait to see what our Father does with that. Mike is an excellent teacher, very paitent and methodical. He also loves protecting people, so going into teaching safety and security tactics would be an ideal spot for him. You'll see us on the news one day, protecting some higher up official. Beyond that, he took his copy of John Elderidge's Fathered By God with him on this trip. I am hoping that his love for God, love for the outdoors, and love for teenagers will combine someday. We are hoping to start an outreach and discipleship program where Godly men take young men into the wilderness- where their hearts truly come alive- and teach them about God, and what it means to be a man. There is no better manly man to learn from than my hubby! What two halves of a whole we are!

God has brought me into some very interesting positions this year, relationally. One after another, after another, women from broken relationships have shown up on my doorstep. A very good friend, a relative, a friend through a friend, a long time friend, and now a coworker- all women who are going through the sheer destruction of a relationship. God is teaching me and training me how to speak to these women; how to shed tears with them, but not become engulfed in their sorrow. Every time, it gets a little bit easier, and I am finding that I am helping each one a little bit more. It has been amazing, though, the rapidity of these occurences, and the similarities between them. And what's more is that the best thing I can offer them- is Mike. His experience and past with his failed (let's face it, hellish) marriage speaks more to them than anything I have to say. His mistakes, his faults, his concerns, his triumphs, his woes, his regrets, and now his joy is theirs if they want it. He is so open and honest and transparent with each one of them, it's increadable. He has been wonderful, and an unmistakable testimony to what life can look like if, when you are at rock bottom, you allow the True Healer to do His work. The best way I can describe Mike's relationship with God then, and continuing until now, is "Here God, I'm on the operating table. I'm handing you the scalple, do what You will." And now, being on the other side of it, he can speak to these broken women in a way that continually touches me. Other than that, as my friend Jill says, "Marriage will show you just how selfish you are." Amen, sister. But we're working on it.

We are looking in the same direction- to where God is calling us. We have a ways to go yet, I think, before He calls us to the next step, but we are progressing every day. I can't wait to see what the next twenty years are like.